Tag: self-care

How to offset busy times with me-times …
```
"... self-imposed exile 
from the day to day 
allows space to breathe 
experience gentle abundance 
of your choosing
take as long as you need ..." 
```
This month I’ve been doing some of the jobs I’ve put off for way too long. I could blame lack of time, but if I’m honest, lack of motivation is more of an issue. And once I make a start, it’s hard to maintain momentum because it usually takes twice as long as I anticipated. Such was my feeling last week when I decided to tackle the loft. But I persevered, and it was worth the effort. Three days later the loft was transformed and now I can find things because the boxes are labelled.

There are things you plan to sort out, which is bad enough, but when unexpected problems crop up, it’s even worse. I’ve lost count of the obstacles laid across my path over recent months, forcing me to change plans and lose days to dealing with an unexpected problem.

In times such as this, it’s vital to maintain some balance in your life; otherwise it can feel like the world is against you, lobbing endless problems in your direction. It’s generally accepted that you can’t control what happens in life; the only thing you can control is your response. I absolutely believe that. But I’ll also say that it helps to find balance; it’s within your power to counter the obstacles with alternatives. They could be openings, gateways or distractions. Call them what you will.

This past week, I took time out of sorting the latest crisis, to attend two events that I had pre-booked and was determined not to miss. The first was a pottery painting workshop. I spent two blissful hours messing about with paint, sponge shapes and brushes. I lost myself in the activity, not thinking once about the pesky issues life keeps delivering to my door. On another day, I went to what was titled a wild swimming retreat. I again met a wonderful bunch of women, each overcoming their own obstacles. We walked along sea cliffs, spotting puffins, and sharing a delicious picnic lunch, before finally swimming in the sea. During the day, we were invited to share our stories (only if we wanted to), using things on the beach to represent how we were feeling. A common theme in our sharing was searching for balance, voicing the need to have space to be ourselves.

I wrote this week’s poem back in April, after listening to a couple of radio programmes about people making religious pilgrimages. It’s fair to say, I think, that most people would in the past have associated the idea of pilgrimage with religion, but not so much these days. My idea of pilgrimage is of journey, and it doesn’t have to be physical. It’s associated in my mind with retreat, which for me is about taking time away from the rigours of daily life, to focus on you. It can take many forms.

I know someone who, this week, is taking part in the Montane Summer Spine Race, a gruelling 268 miles, which must be completed within 156 hours. I can’t think of anything worse but it’s her way of investing in herself, and I completely get that. For others, it might be devoting yourself to watching the Word Cup or Wimbledon, reading a book or walking the dog.

It’s the intention behind how we spend our time that matters. I could easily spend all my time on those jobs that I’ve put off. It would be satisfying and purposeful to some degree, but hugely frustrating. I’d end up feeling resentful. I need me-time to reconnect with myself. Without it, I would be lost.

I genuinely believe we’ll all have something we love to do, just for us. What is yours? When is the last time you did that thing? If you can’t remember, then now is the time!

pilgrimage Download
17/06/2026
When what you create surprises you …
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"... there are seasons
in all our lives 
learning in any mistake 
feed more wood
to a failing fire 
if the flame still falters
that’s your sign  
to start over ..."
```
For the writers among you, I wonder do you ever set out to write a piece, only to find that what emerges is entirely different to what you had envisaged? This is not only true of writers, but of all creatives, I’m sure. This happens to me occasionally, but most often, the resulting poem is pretty much what I thought I’d write. There are rare times when what surfaces takes me by surprise. That’s what happened with this week’s poem. It just came out one early morning, as I set out to write something quite different.

Of course, when I think about it, I can identify the steps leading to this poem’s creation. I think we’re all influenced by things that we experience, big and small, on a daily basis. It might be a chance meeting on a bus; something you listen to purposefully, or quite by accident. A seemingly innocuous event might just grab you in ways you can’t explain, such as observing something in the street as you’re sat in a traffic jam. (Maybe that’s just me?). Here’s the thing: the closer the attention you pay to the world, the more it will inspire you.

The stars were aligned for this poem to show up, even though I didn’t know it was what I needed to write. For starters, I met my mum for lunch, which is something we do occasionally. Naturally, siblings were mentioned during our chat. I also had coffee with a friend who has some challenges in her own family (who doesn’t?). That got me thinking about how we all carefully navigate our way through family relationships. And, as always, I’ve been binging on my usual weekly diet of podcasts and radio programmes. It all seeps in at some level, along with the national news, the weather and the price of petrol. You name it, it’s all in the mix. Life happens and our responses are reflected in all we do, like it or not.

I’ve recently listened to a fantastic interview on Sam Baker’s podcast, The Shift, with the brilliant Abi Morgan, discussing her book, This is not a pity memoire. (A back-episode from 2022). I was so moved by her story, that it’s been added to my ever growing list of books to read. The advice, never dim your light, comes from her. She, in turn, quotes Nora Ephron’s advice to be the hero not the victim of your own story. I love that different women’s voices have turned up in my poem, serving as beacons of light when I might otherwise feel bereft of inspiration closer to home.

Truth is, I’d dearly love to be the person who both cherishes her siblings and is valued in return. I’d love to shop with; eat, gossip and reminisce with; swap clothes, books and music with siblings. But that’s not my story. Truth is, very few of us live the perfect life, if any. Does perfect even exist? It doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate the positive and nurturing relationships I do have. I am a proud daughter, cousin, aunt, and wife to a select few, grateful for the privilege. I am friend to many more.

Recently, I also met an ex-work colleague for lunch. We talked away the afternoon, and it was a sheer delight to observe how she’s thriving in a new role, in a different organisation. She’s one of my soul sisters; I’m lucky to have more than one.

Not everyone has a sibling, but I hope everyone can call at least one person friend. Whatever relationships you have, I hope you can cherish at least one or two. Be the hero in your lives and not the victim please!

This is my 40th post since the beginning of my blog, fiwynnewrites. It feels like the right time to take a short break as I enter into my 60th birthday month. I’m going to be travelling around Shetland, looking forward to slowing down, appreciating nature and giving my body and soul batteries an opportunity to recharge. I will return in June with more poems and prose x

siblings Download

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1 comment on When what you create surprises you …
29/04/2026
When walking away is the best you can do …
```
"... saying yes to you 
was a no to me 
your love an anchor
keeping me down 
when I might otherwise 
be free ..."
```
This is not an easy blog to write but it touches on something I know affects a lot of people. It took me a long time to realise that there’s no such thing as normal and that, for most of us, disfunction is the norm when it comes to family relationships. I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve met over the years, both personally and professionally, who are estranged from one or more family member(s). It can be for any number of reasons. It’s often complicated and painful, and it brings with it a whole plethora of emotions.

I’m not about to go into specifics about the family member from whom I’m estranged. That’s not necessary here, and I wouldn’t put you through the sorry details. Instead, I want to use this poem, written about my decision to walk away, as a way to connect with similar experiences and feelings you might have had. I know a lot of people find it extremely difficult. Some will feel deeply saddened, others guilty or cruel. It feels like an incredibly cold thing to do, to shut someone out. But it may also be necessary. It is never a decision taken lightly and, yes, it comes at a price. But, for me anyway, it’s a price worth paying.

We all have people in our lives that we might term difficult. And yet, we will largely tolerate their idiosyncrasies because we love them. We love all their positive traits and we can forgive the less attractive parts of their personalities that we find hard to live with. Most of us will have various categories of friends: from casual acquaintances to very best friends and everything in between. Not all the people who come into our lives as friends are friends for life. There’s a famous quote: people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime (attributed to numerous people, so I’m not sure who can actually claim it). And that’s okay isn’t it? It may feel uncomfortable when you lose touch with someone you thought of as a friend, or you may be devastated when they cut you off. Yet you realise in time that they weren’t meant to be around for the long haul.

But family is a whole other ball game isn’t it? There is this unwritten rule that you can’t walk away from family. Another famous saying goes, friends are the family you chose for yourself, meaning of course, that you have no choice when it’s family. But sometimes, you have to make a choice. In fact, we make choices about family all the time: where do you spend Christmas Day, for example. My parents divorced when I was a child, and it often felt like I had to choose between them. That feeling continued long into adulthood.

Some of our decisions are subconscious. As a middle child, instinct drew me to my younger sibling, when three always felt like a crowd. I have friends who are parts of big families and they tell me it’s inevitable to fall out with siblings when you have so many. I seemed to manage it even though I only had one of each!

Learning to navigate family relationships as an adult takes you to another level. As a child, you didn’t always have a choice, but as an adult you do. I said yes when I meant no to a family member more times than I care to remember. I tolerated the intolerable. Until finally, after one drama too many, I cracked. I reached saturation point and did the only thing I felt I could do to save myself. I walked away and never looked back.

The person you owe the most to is yourself and, if saying yes to yourself means saying no to someone else, then what’s stopping you?

yes to me Download
18/03/2026