Tag: self-care

Why September is a welcome month …
```
"... before rebirth
comes decay
before beginnings 
there are endings 
before sunrise
must come sunset ..."
```
By the time this blog lands, September will have happened and, for me anyway, was over too soon. I want September to linger but here we are at its end. I love autumn and am happy to welcome it in, but I want to take a moment to celebrate September before it disappears for another year.

When I was working, this was always the time I took my main holiday. Even though I’m no longer going out to work, September still calls to me to down my tools and relax. Normally, it’s a time for camper van adventures, but this year, the poor old van has hardly moved from our drive. Instead, we’ve spent some time in Kenya, which I’ll save for another blog.

I only had a few days at home before I was off again, this time heading up to the familiar territory of Scotland. I’d signed up to attend an all-female retreat, in the middle of nowhere, to explore how to embrace my wild self. How could I resist such an invitation? I met with women, mostly strangers, who shared their stories and became friends. We were staying by a loch, where we were able to swim, walk through woodland, and play in a way I haven’t played since I was a young child. It was magical. The weather, of course, was interchangeable, but we had wonderful sweeping rain, glorious sunshine, clear starry nights, and wind that made the trees sing.

We were invited to fully embrace nature; to go outside and devote an unadulterated 45 minutes to noticing our immediate surroundings. It’s not something we do normally is it? Even if we are lovers of nature, we may appreciate it as we go about our lives; enjoy a beautiful view as we drive past, or take a moment to look up at a tree, or smell a flower. But 45 minutes? How many times do we give ourselves permission to just be with nature and focus purely on what we can see, hear, touch, smell or taste? I know I hardly ever do this. It was pure magic. I found a spot under a magnificent sycamore tree and I sat at the base of its trunk. It was raining and I could hear the rain pattering against the leaves, and my waterproof clothing. It reminded me of the sound of rain whilst lying under canvas as a child. I wanted to feel even closer to nature, so after a while, I lay spread-eagled under the canopy of leaves. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain, feeling the heavy drops on my face and hands. I felt fully alive and part of nature, rather than separate from it. It was truly transformative.

On other days, we went for a swim in the loch, and also hiked across a hill to a bothy and back. It occurred to me, on both occasions, how nature receives me, making space for me to be present with it: the mud giving way to my hiking boots, the water enveloping me. When you pay attention to nature, it rewards you a hundredfold.

Every women present at that retreat, of course, had their own story. I really enjoyed listening to other women sharing their experiences, hopes and fears. Autumn is an opportune time to think about shedding aspects of our lives that no longer serve us; prepare for the coming winter and ready ourselves for the challenges ahead. It is a time of reckoning, If you find that you struggle with the changing seasons, wanting to cling onto summer and all it represents, then nature can help. You need look no further for inspiration and guidance. Trees shed their leaves to preserve their energy for the colder months to come. Nature strips right back and takes a break. Plants don’t grow consistently throughout the year, but are seasonal. And we are too!

But we’ve forgotten this. We think we can keep going like machines, all year long. We all know, I think deep down, that we were not meant to live this way. No wonder we are all exhausted! Nature can show us the way, if we let it. All we need do is stop and pay attention. How hard can it be? Can you afford not to listen? I know I can’t.

september Download
30/09/2026
When it feels good to say no …
```
"I am finally learning
to love myself
and trust the voice within ..."
```
I may be stereotyping here, but I suspect if you are reading this blog, you’re a person who likes to spend time alone. Let’s just say, it comes with the territory. In my experience anyway, most people who are drawn to poetry are more introverted but, that said, I think there’s a bit of introvert and extrovert in all of us. Life is not binary but multi-faceted, and so are we.

I’m definitely more in the introvert camp. I need to have quiet, alone time, just as much as I need food, water and sleep. I’m not much fun when deprived of these life essentials. Alone time is not the same as being lonely. I’m fortunate in that I’ve not experienced much loneliness in life although I appreciate that, for some, it may be debilitating and life-shortening. Alone time, by contrast, is life-enhancing.

I’m extremely lucky to have found a partner who, like me, needs time alone. From the outset of our relationship, we’ve always been able to chose to spend time on our own without judgement. Other people may not be so understanding or accommodating, which must be difficult. As I’ve grown older, I’ve felt more comfortable with saying that I need quiet time, but it wasn’t always the case.

I recently turned down an invitation from a friend to attend a concert at short notice; I was so proud of myself for doing so. Of course, it was lovely that she thought of me and extended the invitation and, on another day, I might have said yes. But I just knew, at that particular time, I needed to stay home far more than I needed to go out to a concert, involving an hour’s drive each way and a late night. Years ago, I would have said yes no matter how much I didn’t want to go. I’ve been a people-pleaser all my life; of course I would have said yes. I would’ve thought myself rude and ungrateful to have done otherwise.

But as I’ve just said, life is not binary. I’ve discovered that I can be honest and say no, without being unkind or ungrateful. Saying no isn’t a life sentence, it just means not now, not this time. It’s not forever. Saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to yourself. Saying yes to self-care and self-fulfilment. I wrote this week’s poem over thirty years ago, when I was in my late-twenties. Wow that’s long time! I was grappling then with my need to both belong in the world and yet feel at peace with myself. It’s all about balance which is easier said than done, isn’t it?

It’s a cliché, but I’m reminded of the instructions always given on a plane, to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. It’s obvious but always sounds counterintuitive; most of us would want to help someone else, especially if it’s your child. Yet it’s such an important lesson: we can’t help if we are helpless. We can’t show up in the world and reach our full potential, if we don’t take the time and effort to invest in ourselves, nurturing our skills and gifts.

I wonder how you make time for yourself in your busy life? How do you balance time spent with others with time for you? If you have children, or other caring responsibilities, any time to yourself will be a challenge but I hope you find at least some. Self-care is not selfish, but self-fulfilling and, trust me, everyone will be happier, if you are.

afternoons to myself Download
16/09/2026
How to offset busy times with me-times …
```
"... we need not wander
to discover wonder 
respite or grace
but if it will help 
then find your path 
and go ..!" 
```
This month I’ve been doing some of the jobs I’ve put off for way too long. I could blame lack of time, but if I’m honest, lack of motivation is more of an issue. And once I make a start, it’s hard to maintain momentum because it usually takes twice as long as I anticipated. Such was my feeling last week when I decided to tackle the loft. But I persevered, and it was worth the effort. Three days later the loft was transformed and now I can find things because the boxes are labelled.

There are things you plan to sort out, which is bad enough, but when unexpected problems crop up, it’s even worse. I’ve lost count of the obstacles laid across my path over recent months, forcing me to change plans and lose days to dealing with an unexpected problem.

In times such as this, it’s vital to maintain some balance in your life; otherwise it can feel like the world is against you, lobbing endless problems in your direction. It’s generally accepted that you can’t control what happens in life; the only thing you can control is your response. I absolutely believe that. But I’ll also say that it helps to find balance; it’s within your power to counter the obstacles with alternatives. They could be openings, gateways or distractions. Call them what you will.

This past week, I took time out of sorting the latest crisis, to attend two events that I had pre-booked and was determined not to miss. The first was a pottery painting workshop. I spent two blissful hours messing about with paint, sponge shapes and brushes. I lost myself in the activity, not thinking once about the pesky issues life keeps delivering to my door. On another day, I went to what was titled a wild swimming retreat. I again met a wonderful bunch of women, each overcoming their own obstacles. We walked along sea cliffs, spotting puffins, and sharing a delicious picnic lunch, before finally swimming in the sea. During the day, we were invited to share our stories (only if we wanted to), using things on the beach to represent how we were feeling. A common theme in our sharing was searching for balance, voicing the need to have space to be ourselves.

I wrote this week’s poem back in April, after listening to a couple of radio programmes about people making religious pilgrimages. It’s fair to say, I think, that most people would in the past have associated the idea of pilgrimage with religion, but not so much these days. My idea of pilgrimage is of journey, and it doesn’t have to be physical. It’s associated in my mind with retreat, which for me is about taking time away from the rigours of daily life, to focus on you. It can take many forms.

I know someone who, this week, is taking part in the Montane Summer Spine Race, a gruelling 268 miles, which must be completed within 156 hours. I can’t think of anything worse but it’s her way of investing in herself, and I completely get that. For others, it might be devoting yourself to watching the Word Cup or Wimbledon, reading a book or walking the dog.

It’s the intention behind how we spend our time that matters. I could easily spend all my time on those jobs that I’ve put off. It would be satisfying and purposeful to some degree, but hugely frustrating. I’d end up feeling resentful. I need me-time to reconnect with myself. Without it, I would be lost.

I genuinely believe we’ll all have something we love to do, just for us. What is yours? When is the last time you did that thing? If you can’t remember, then now is the time!

pilgrimage Download
17/06/2026
When what you create surprises you …
```
"... there are seasons
in all our lives 
learning in any mistake 
feed more wood
to a failing fire 
if the flame still falters
that’s your sign  
to start over ..."
```
For the writers among you, I wonder do you ever set out to write a piece, only to find that what emerges is entirely different to what you had envisaged? This is not only true of writers, but of all creatives, I’m sure. This happens to me occasionally, but most often, the resulting poem is pretty much what I thought I’d write. There are rare times when what surfaces takes me by surprise. That’s what happened with this week’s poem. It just came out one early morning, as I set out to write something quite different.

Of course, when I think about it, I can identify the steps leading to this poem’s creation. I think we’re all influenced by things that we experience, big and small, on a daily basis. It might be a chance meeting on a bus; something you listen to purposefully, or quite by accident. A seemingly innocuous event might just grab you in ways you can’t explain, such as observing something in the street as you’re sat in a traffic jam. (Maybe that’s just me?). Here’s the thing: the closer the attention you pay to the world, the more it will inspire you.

The stars were aligned for this poem to show up, even though I didn’t know it was what I needed to write. For starters, I met my mum for lunch, which is something we do occasionally. Naturally, siblings were mentioned during our chat. I also had coffee with a friend who has some challenges in her own family (who doesn’t?). That got me thinking about how we all carefully navigate our way through family relationships. And, as always, I’ve been binging on my usual weekly diet of podcasts and radio programmes. It all seeps in at some level, along with the national news, the weather and the price of petrol. You name it, it’s all in the mix. Life happens and our responses are reflected in all we do, like it or not.

I’ve recently listened to a fantastic interview on Sam Baker’s podcast, The Shift, with the brilliant Abi Morgan, discussing her book, This is not a pity memoire. (A back-episode from 2022). I was so moved by her story, that it’s been added to my ever growing list of books to read. The advice, never dim your light, comes from her. She, in turn, quotes Nora Ephron’s advice to be the hero not the victim of your own story. I love that different women’s voices have turned up in my poem, serving as beacons of light when I might otherwise feel bereft of inspiration closer to home.

Truth is, I’d dearly love to be the person who both cherishes her siblings and is valued in return. I’d love to shop with; eat, gossip and reminisce with; swap clothes, books and music with siblings. But that’s not my story. Truth is, very few of us live the perfect life, if any. Does perfect even exist? It doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate the positive and nurturing relationships I do have. I am a proud daughter, cousin, aunt, and wife to a select few, grateful for the privilege. I am friend to many more.

Recently, I also met an ex-work colleague for lunch. We talked away the afternoon, and it was a sheer delight to observe how she’s thriving in a new role, in a different organisation. She’s one of my soul sisters; I’m lucky to have more than one.

Not everyone has a sibling, but I hope everyone can call at least one person friend. Whatever relationships you have, I hope you can cherish at least one or two. Be the hero in your lives and not the victim please!

This is my 40th post since the beginning of my blog, fiwynnewrites. It feels like the right time to take a short break as I enter into my 60th birthday month. I’m going to be travelling around Shetland, looking forward to slowing down, appreciating nature and giving my body and soul batteries an opportunity to recharge. I will return in June with more poems and prose x

siblings Download
29/04/2026
When walking away is the best you can do …
```
"... saying yes to you 
was a no to me 
your love an anchor
keeping me down 
when I might otherwise 
be free ..."
```
This is not an easy blog to write but it touches on something I know affects a lot of people. It took me a long time to realise that there’s no such thing as normal and that, for most of us, disfunction is the norm when it comes to family relationships. I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve met over the years, both personally and professionally, who are estranged from one or more family member(s). It can be for any number of reasons. It’s often complicated and painful, and it brings with it a whole plethora of emotions.

I’m not about to go into specifics about the family member from whom I’m estranged. That’s not necessary here, and I wouldn’t put you through the sorry details. Instead, I want to use this poem, written about my decision to walk away, as a way to connect with similar experiences and feelings you might have had. I know a lot of people find it extremely difficult. Some will feel deeply saddened, others guilty or cruel. It feels like an incredibly cold thing to do, to shut someone out. But it may also be necessary. It is never a decision taken lightly and, yes, it comes at a price. But, for me anyway, it’s a price worth paying.

We all have people in our lives that we might term difficult. And yet, we will largely tolerate their idiosyncrasies because we love them. We love all their positive traits and we can forgive the less attractive parts of their personalities that we find hard to live with. Most of us will have various categories of friends: from casual acquaintances to very best friends and everything in between. Not all the people who come into our lives as friends are friends for life. There’s a famous quote: people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime (attributed to numerous people, so I’m not sure who can actually claim it). And that’s okay isn’t it? It may feel uncomfortable when you lose touch with someone you thought of as a friend, or you may be devastated when they cut you off. Yet you realise in time that they weren’t meant to be around for the long haul.

But family is a whole other ball game isn’t it? There is this unwritten rule that you can’t walk away from family. Another famous saying goes, friends are the family you chose for yourself, meaning of course, that you have no choice when it’s family. But sometimes, you have to make a choice. In fact, we make choices about family all the time: where do you spend Christmas Day, for example. My parents divorced when I was a child, and it often felt like I had to choose between them. That feeling continued long into adulthood.

Some of our decisions are subconscious. As a middle child, instinct drew me to my younger sibling, when three always felt like a crowd. I have friends who are parts of big families and they tell me it’s inevitable to fall out with siblings when you have so many. I seemed to manage it even though I only had one of each!

Learning to navigate family relationships as an adult takes you to another level. As a child, you didn’t always have a choice, but as an adult you do. I said yes when I meant no to a family member more times than I care to remember. I tolerated the intolerable. Until finally, after one drama too many, I cracked. I reached saturation point and did the only thing I felt I could do to save myself. I walked away and never looked back.

The person you owe the most to is yourself and, if saying yes to yourself means saying no to someone else, then what’s stopping you?

yes to me Download
18/03/2026