Welcome to my poetry blog!

  • Why nature is my key to connection …

    "... someone once told me 
    you don't always find
    what you're searching for
    but you find what you need ..."

    I’ve written previously about how I value being in nature.  It’s widely accepted that spending time outdoors is good for you on so many levels.  It improves your mental and physical health.  They say, don’t they, that if you have a problem you need to resolve, an obstacle you cannot see beyond, then go for a walk.  By the time you get back, either the problem won’t seem so insurmountable, or it will have dissolved, because it was only living in your head anyway.  Try it!  It does work, I promise you.  

    I’ve always loved being out in nature and can’t imagine a life without it.  For a couple of years, I worked in the wing of a building with no widows.  Most days I didn’t have time to leave my desk, so when I finally walked out at the end of my shift, the air smelt deliciously sweet.  It blew me away every day.

    Nature has been a constant in my life; my appreciation of it grows with age and experience.  These days, I’m sensing a deeper connection to organisms such as trees and plants in a way I can’t fully explain.  When we struggle to find language to describe what we mean, we often revert to anthropomorphism, but that doesn’t feel appropriate here.  I don’t want to bring other life to our level; I want to raise myself to theirs if that makes sense.  

    I’ve recently travelled to both Kenya and Scotland. I went on safari to Kenya, primarily to see wild animals such as elephants and lions, in their natural habitat.  I did and it was amazing.  What I didn’t expect was to be equally captivated by the trees, both living and dead.  The quiet dignity of fallen trees truly captured my imagination.  Whilst constantly scanning the horizon for animals, I regularly saw shapes in tree stumps that resembled the animals out on the plain.  I know I’m not unique in that.  There’s a word for it: pareidolia, which doesn’t quite capture of the magic of the experience if you ask me. 

    I couldn’t help but wonder about the life of trees and the language they speak.  Like elephants, they are communal and communicate across vast distances.  Like matriarchal elephants, there are now studies that describe mother trees, that feed and sustain saplings.  And like elephants, they are wise.  Don’t take my word for it, feel it for yourself and, if interested, read up on some of the fascinating studies taking place. 

    Figure standing in a tree pose amongst a stone circle

    Later, on the Isle of Arran, I visited the stone circles at Machrie Moor, which bear witness to humans living in this area for over 4,000 years.  We can only guess at why such circles were constructed.  There is so much we do not know.  Just as there is much we still don’t understand about the life and language of trees.  We are learning all the time about the mycorrhizal network, and so much more.  

    When I stand amongst stones circles, I feel I’m in the presence of something beyond myself.  If they could speak, what stories could they tell I wonder.  In some way, they continue, like the fallen savannah trees, to be part of the landscape, creating habitat for lichen, offering shelter to livestock, inspiring awe in humans.  

    Klaus Conrad, a German psychiatrist in the 1950’s believed that finding connections between unrelated things could be an early sign of schizophrenia.  We humans do like to label things don’t we?  He called it apophenia.  Another word that somehow dilutes the sense of wonder, don’t you think?   Back in the 1950’s we had even less information about how the world of nature works than we do now.  I wonder what Klaus Conrad would have made of the mycorrhizal network?  I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt: he couldn’t know about connections in the same way that we are discovering today, but perhaps if he’d walked in woodland he might have felt it.  Just saying. 

  • Why I’m embracing invisibility …

    "...people say 
    women of my age
    grow invisible
    which may be true
    perhaps a blessing
    in disguise ..."

    I have heard many women over the age of 50 talk about how they feel invisible, which sounds negative on so many levels.  They may feel overlooked at work when it comes to promotion; or back on the dating scene, they find that all the men are looking for younger women.  We’ve all, I’m sure, watched interviews with older female actors who struggle to find decent parts to play, and models who suddenly find the work has dried up. Whilst no doubt, some men may feel this experience is true for them, it’s generally accepted that most men don’t find age a barrier in the way that many women do.  (Silver Fox sounds so much more endearing than Past It don’t you think?  And who’s heard: he looks distinguished whereas she’s let herself go?)

    All this feels true to me, and yet at the same time, I want to embrace the invisibility cloak that age offers up.  The experience of aging can’t all be bad news surely?  I absolutely appreciate that not everyone enjoys good health.  That said, ill health can affect you at any age; getting old doesn’t necessarily have to equate to poor health, right?  I probably don’t do enough exercise, but keeping my body and my mind active, is something I make time for on a regular basis.  It always makes me feel better.  I am more mindful than ever of the need to keep investing in my health.  I’m not invisible to myself, that’s for sure!  

    But I love that I have become less visible in some ways.  I don’t feel I’m competing for jobs or for approval.  It has been one of the great privileges of my life to have supported younger women and seen them grow and thrive into more senior positions, taking on roles I’ve been happy to relinquish.  I had that choice.  It wasn’t forced on me and that, of course, makes all the difference.  I’ve come across, and know personally, a lot of people who continue to work beyond their retirement age, mostly because they can’t imagine not working.  For some, I understand it may be a financial necessity, but increasingly I meet people who simply want to keep working.  It is where they find their purpose. Good luck to them, I say.  For me, I felt true liberation in walking away and exploring other passions.  

    image of a coastline, with a small figure stood on the edge of a grassy buttress.

    I wrote this poem a couple of years ago, when I was still working but starting to think ahead to life beyond work.  Such milestones are the perfect time to reassess your priorities.  Many of those I worked with wondered how I would cope without the structure and status that a job provides.  I wasn’t worried; I knew life had so much more to offer.   

    Continuing to comply with others’ expectations of how I should look, and what I should wear, is not a priority.  I’m glad to have relinquished the highlights, the heels and the handbags. I feel so much happier in an old pair of trainers and my favourite jeans.  It sounds clichéd and maybe it is, but frankly, I don’t care!

    I won’t be paying for botox anytime soon.  I look in the mirror and see a face that has lived, and that brings me joy.  Every line and wrinkle was worth it.  Every visible scar tells its own story.  I don’t need to spend a small fortune on cosmetics to hide those lines.  I don’t need clothes to mask my shape.  I want to embrace all that life is offering me, and do what I can to meet it feeling and looking my natural best.  So, yes, I’ll go to bed early because sleep is so precious. I’ll wear what feels comfortable.  I’ll do what I love.  And I’m happy to do it all under the radar.  

    Living under the radar is marvellous. Why not try it, even for a short while, and see how becoming less visible to others might make you more visible to yourself.  

  • Why September is a welcome month …

    A large oak tree with autumn leaves, filling the entire frame.

  • Why memories matter even when they can’t be trusted …

    Stoodley Pike with a very small figure looking up at it to the right.
  • When it feels good to say no …

    Figure sat meditating by a stretch of still water in Iceland.

Remember it’s all about connection! Please do comment.