Tag: love

  • Why I celebrate an anniversary …

    "... they say life is a journey 
    of peaks and troughs
    and countless crossroads
    the certain choices
    we all must make
    when least informed ..."

    This week I’m celebrating my wedding anniversary, which feels like an appropriate time to share this poem, written in 2013.  I’m glad to say, that I’m still happy to have found someone whose stitch matched my own (read the poem to understand this reference!).

    Life is made up of endless choices, some perhaps more significant than others.  Truth is, we don’t always know how impactive a choice might be until much later.  Who knew really, what subjects to choose at school, when the time came?  Who knew what they wanted to do in life when first applying for jobs?  I certainly didn’t!  The good news is, that you can change direction and choose a different path.   These days, it’s the norm. People don’t tend to join an organisation and stay all their working life anymore.  

    But when it comes to relationships, most of us do make what we hope will be a life-long choice.  Two women I knew in London once caused much upset in their respective families when they got together as a couple in the late 80’s.  The upset wasn’t due to the fact they were a same-sex couple, which you might have assumed (homophobia was much more prevalent then), but it was the fact that they committed to only stay together as long as they were happy to do so.  Their families felt affronted that they didn’t make a life-long commitment to each other.  They reasoned that they didn’t want to feel bound by a promise they may not be able to keep. 

    I could absolutely see their point. At that time in my life, I honestly didn’t think I’d ever want to get married.  I came from divorced parents, and had seen plenty of other couples split up.  I myself had been in a long term relationship of 5 years, and just assumed, I think, I would marry eventually.  But it was me who ended it.  And for a long time after that, I didn’t feel I could trust my own feelings.  I’d lost confidence in my judgement. 

    Indeed, when I first met the man I did marry, neither of us took it terribly seriously.  It was just a bit of fun; never intended to last.  But we fell in love and within 6 months were cohabiting. I still didn’t think of marriage, telling myself it was just a bit of paper.  I remembered my two friends, who stayed together because they wanted to be together.  That was good enough for me.  And yet, the longer I stayed with my partner, the more I understood that healthy relationships demand effort.  Sometimes the choice to stay together can feel tough.  There’s no room for complacency if you want to stay happy and fulfilled. It’s hard work!

    Two figures walking on a sandy beach, with sea in the background and sea grass in the foreground.

    My views on marriage evolved.  Marriage is a private but also a public contract.  A relationship between two people is like a pebble thrown into a lake. It sends out ripples that touch every other person connected to the couple.  Everyone is invested to varying degrees.  I chose to say yes to marriage in the end because it felt right to make a public as well as a private promise. I wanted those I loved to witness my commitment to the man I loved most dearly.  

    I wonder about the women who knitted ganseys for their men.  How much love went into every stitch; how much hope that they would never have to identify a drowned man by the stitches they had made.  Love is such a joy to both give and receive.  I genuinely will be celebrating the anniversary of the day I said, “I do”, and I hope I will be able to say the same for years to come.  

    the edge of heavenDownload

  • When life takes an unexpected turn … 

    "... everything can change 
    in a heartbeat
    the paths we choose 
    can take a turn 
    at times we least expect ..."

    I mentally split any given year into quarters, starting in January. With April upon us, we’ve just entered the second quarter.  In January, I usually feel I’m on the threshold of something new but, like everyone else, I’d no idea quite what was in store this year.  So much has already happened on the world stage in 2026, it’s hard to take it all in.  

    It feels like it’s been a bit of a political and emotional roller coaster in more ways than one.  It reminds me not only of the impermanence of the world, but how bewildering it all feels.  Life often doesn’t seem to make sense, not to me anyway..  We are complicated and stubborn beings aren’t we?  We’ll often stick to opinions long ingrained even when we can’t explain our logic.  We draw up our map of the world and navigate by it, despite its obvious flaws.  I know I have, over the years, developed my own belief system, which shapes how I feel and respond to most of what life throws at me.  It leaves some room for flexibility, and is fairly transparent  People who know me best will probably be able to accurately predict what I think about certain things, and how I’d react in most situations.  My belief system rarely lets me down.  But I’ll own up to the fact that it’s quirky and not necessarily failsafe.  

    Perhaps we all have such a system, a sort of shorthand to help us steer a course through life without having to think everything through from scratch.  It will work for us most of the time.  But occasionally, something happens that does force a change in perspective, be that on a world-wide stage, such as the current war in the middle east, or something personal, such as a death in the family.  It doesn’t even have to be something tangible.  I’ve written in an earlier blog how exposure to art, such as music and film, can be the catalyst to bring about change.  (See the blog relating to my poem seal woman, https://fiwynne.com/2025/09/10/how-fictional-characters-can-feel-just-as-relevant-as-real-people/)

    Since the beginning of this year, it feels like the political landscape has turned upside down. In that same period, I’ve been dealing with a family bereavement and preparing for a family wedding. I’ve spent time with my cousin, which brought back lots of childhood memories.  I’ve also seen two films, both of which deal with grief, that have touched me deeply, namely Hamnet and H is for Hawk.  

    It was whilst watching one of these films that the seeds for this week’s poem were sown.  I suddenly felt swamped by both the complexities of life going on around me and the intimacy of my relationships with those I love most deeply.  Perhaps it’s just me, but it sometimes feels hard to balance the public and the intimate.  I struggle with it and writing poetry is a way to make sense of it for me.  Do you ever feel like things happen that force you to see the world differently?  If so, I think this week’s blog will resonate.  I hope so.  

    Beach scene with two mugs in the foreground

    It’s tempting to keep our thoughts to ourselves; keep our heads down when life feels too much.   Easy to put our heads in the sand and pretend nothing has changed. I’m guilty of this sometimes; I turn the news off because I can’t bear to listen.  It doesn’t work, of course, the news just keeps on happening.  In the cinema that day, I felt an overwhelming need to connect with the one I love most.  I reached out and took his hand, just briefly, because I could.  No matter how doomed the world feels on some days, it’s still true that the small intimate connections we make matter hugely.  L is indeed for loss but it is also for love. 

    L is for love and lossDownload