Why I’m embracing invisibility …

"...people say 
women of my age 
grow invisible
which may be true
perhaps a blessing
in disguise ..."

I have heard many women over the age of 50 talk about how they feel invisible, which sounds negative on so many levels.  They may feel overlooked at work when it comes to promotion; or back on the dating scene, they find that all the men are looking for younger women.  We’ve all, I’m sure, watched interviews with older female actors who struggle to find decent parts to play, and models who suddenly find the work has dried up. Whilst no doubt, some men may feel this experience is true for them, it’s generally accepted that most men don’t find age a barrier in the way that many women do.  (Silver Fox sounds so much more endearing than Past It don’t you think?  And who’s heard: he looks distinguished whereas she’s let herself go?)

All this feels true to me, and yet at the same time, I want to embrace the invisibility cloak that age offers up.  The experience of aging can’t all be bad news surely?  I absolutely appreciate that not everyone enjoys good health.  That said, ill health can affect you at any age; getting old doesn’t necessarily have to equate to poor health, right?  I probably don’t do enough exercise, but keeping my body and my mind active, is something I make time for on a regular basis.  It always makes me feel better.  I am more mindful than ever of the need to keep investing in my health.  I’m not invisible to myself, that’s for sure!  

But I love that I have become less visible in some ways.  I don’t feel I’m competing for jobs or for approval.  It has been one of the great privileges of my life to have supported younger women and seen them grow and thrive into more senior positions, taking on roles I’ve been happy to relinquish.  I had that choice.  It wasn’t forced on me and that, of course, makes all the difference.  I’ve come across, and know personally, a lot of people who continue to work beyond their retirement age, mostly because they can’t imagine not working.  For some, I understand it may be a financial necessity, but increasingly I meet people who simply want to keep working.  It is where they find their purpose. Good luck to them, I say.  For me, I felt true liberation in walking away and exploring other passions.  

I wrote this poem a couple of years ago, when I was still working but starting to think ahead to life beyond work.  Such milestones are the perfect time to reassess your priorities.  Many of those I worked with wondered how I would cope without the structure and status that a job provides.  I wasn’t worried; I knew life had so much more to offer.   

Continuing to comply with others’ expectations of how I should look, and what I should wear, is not a priority.  I’m glad to have relinquished the highlights, the heels and the handbags. I feel so much happier in an old pair of trainers and my favourite jeans.  It sounds clichéd and maybe it is, but frankly, I don’t care!

I won’t be paying for botox anytime soon.  I look in the mirror and see a face that has lived, and that brings me joy.  Every line and wrinkle was worth it.  Every visible scar tells its own story.  I don’t need to spend a small fortune on cosmetics to hide those lines.  I don’t need clothes to mask my shape.  I want to embrace all that life is offering me, and do what I can to meet it feeling and looking my natural best.  So, yes, I’ll go to bed early because sleep is so precious. I’ll wear what feels comfortable.  I’ll do what I love.  And I’m happy to do it all under the radar.  

Living under the radar is marvellous. Why not try it, even for a short while, and see how becoming less visible to others might make you more visible to yourself.