Tag: choices

Why a positive mindset makes all the difference …
```
"... I used to think I must go 
to a bigger place
for life to expand 
so I moved to a city 
far from home 

only then did I realise
that horizons grow 
from within not without ..."
```
I’m holed up in my camper van in the Pingvellir National Park in Iceland as I write this. It’s been raining incessantly for what feels like days, and we’re waiting for it to pass. It reminds me of my childhood: stuck indoors due to rainy days, which happened a lot in Lancashire. There were board games of course, or drawing and colouring. But my favourite pastime was reading and I seriously devoured books. I recall reading the Heidi classics by Johanna Spyri, thinking to myself how amazing it must be to walk barefoot on meadows high up in the alps, rather than spend your childhood confined to wellies that always rubbed the backs of your legs! I had a vivid imagination as a child, which I must say, has served me well in life.

This week’s poem is another written during this trip. This tiny church was easy to miss, partly due to its size, but also its low profile, well camouflaged by the surrounding landscape. The church accommodated a congregation of just thirty; I expect that there wasn’t much privacy to be had in that community. It would most certainly be noted if you were absent for Sunday Service, and I expect everyone would know your business. I can’t think of anything worse.

It got me thinking about how much opportunities have increased, particularly for women, over the last few centuries. I could picture the likes of Jane Eyre, sat in Grafarkirkja on a Sunday morning, wondering about her fate as a woman with limited options. What would the likes of the English women’s rugby team make of it all, given the rich opportunities they’ve enjoyed in this modern age? I admit to filling up with emotion when I heard that they had won the World Cup. I’m always inspired when women achieve great things despite the obstacles they may have encountered. Hard to believe that, in my lifetime, women were still denied entry to some sports and sport institutions. We’ve come a long way.

And yet, in other parts of the world, women and girls are still denied the right to work or go to school. In some ways, I worry that the human race is going backwards. It isn’t lost on me that I’m extremely privileged to be taking this extended trip to a country and culture that has truly widened my horizons.

During my time in Iceland, I’ve been blown away by the sheer scale of the country, its landscape and its history. It’s tempting to think in a place of such enormity, that opportunities will abound for people here. But of course, it’s never that simple is it? There are so many variables at play in how each of us view the world, our own situation and the choices we make. People have often said to me that I’ve been lucky; whilst I accept that to some degree, I also think that you have to make your own luck. Hard work and resilience are both important factors in maximising any opportunities you may have; that’s certainly been my experience. I read a fascinating book a couple of years ago by Dr Carol Dweck, Changing the Way You Think To Fulfil Your Potential, which demonstrated brilliantly just how much impact a positive/growth mindset can have on people. To use an analogy, it’s a bit like switching a light on: you suddenly see the options that may have eluded you.

The biggest lesson for me has been realising that the key factor in how my life turns out is my attitude. It’s not about living in a beautiful place, going on amazing holidays, or having lots of money. It’s about being grateful for what I have: the people in my life, and the time I have to do the things that bring me joy. Even if that means writing whilst being holed up in a rather damp camper van, waiting for a break in the weather.

grafarkirkja Download
22/10/2025
How the lesson you most need to learn keeps coming back to you …
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"... I am discovering 
the kindness 
of slow days ..."
```
I’ll admit I’m not good at relaxing. I like to be busy, doing stuff. If I’m not actually doing stuff, then I’ll be making a list of things to do. I’ve talked about this before, but the fact that I’m contemplating this theme again, makes me realise I’m still learning. Do other people find this? The lessons you most need to learn just keeping coming back to you, in one form or another, until you get the message. And then, if like me, you let things slide, before you know it, you’re back where you started. It’s then the lesson starts afresh.

I thought about this recently as we drove along the north coast road of Iceland’s West Fjords (Vestfirdir). Like most coastal roads, you find yourself driving back and forth, east to west, to reach the same point some miles down the road. I imagine, as the crow flies, the distance between Hólmavík, where we started, and the end of the road at Bolungarvík is significantly less than the actual driving distance. It got me thinking that life doesn’t always go in a straight line, which most people will appreciate, I’m sure. I’m not convinced that time is a constant either. We have made sense of time passing by creating hours and minutes, but it’s a rough guess at best isn’t it?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks that time sometimes passes way too quickly, and other times seems to drag. Time often feels like the enemy, when you’re rushing to get things done within a certain deadline, or when you want time to slow down so that you can make the most of a special occasion.

Just occasionally, a certain kind of magic happens: time seems to stop, leaving you in a state of bliss to simply enjoy the moment for longer than you dare to believe possible. This happened to me on that road trip and it was totally sublime. I felt like I’d travelled through some kind of portal into another world, like Narnia, where the rules were completely different and I didn’t have to conform to anything. I just had to be.

I didn’t have to be any place by a certain time. There was only the one road, so I didn’t even have to think about navigation. Due to the many twists and turns along the way, the going was slow. There was nothing for it but to relax into the driving seat, take in the scenery and allow myself to feel part of the landscape. I cherish moments like this. It reminds me that life is not a race; it’s important to slow down and allow yourself to completely relax into the moment. I know that’s easier said than done. Easy for me, on a road trip, free of the distractions of home. I do get that. But I hope that this poem will prompt you to think about the last time you truly looked up and paid attention to the life you’re living. If it’s been a while, then perhaps it’s time to stop and look up.

reflections Download
15/10/2025
How one small thing can prompt big changes …
```
"... when the world feels  
overwhelming 
the news headlines  
robbing the world of joy 
day after endless day 
the only thing  
you can stop is you ..."
```
I spent a day and a half recently on a ferry, which felt like suspended time. You’re forced to slow down and adapt to a new way of being, which is perhaps no bad thing. I tried practising some yoga on the deck, which proved impossible. How foolish of me to imagine that I could counter-balance the shifting sea. Plan B was to simply sit and watch the waves, enjoy the moment and let myself be still. I had nowhere else I needed to be; indeed nowhere else I could be. It was a lesson in letting go of my need to somehow manage every minute of my day.

It’s so easy to be sucked into a way of life that we wouldn’t chose for ourselves if we had the choice. How many of us have pondered how different our lives might have been if it wasn’t for the choices we’d made? Perhaps that’s the thing to focus on: choice. Sometimes we are so far down one path that we think we can’t deviate or turn back, but we can! We may chose not to, but I think we almost always have a choice.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be the big things. I’m not suggesting we all make drastic changes, like quitting jobs, filing for divorce and moving to a commune. Can you imagine the ensuing chaos if we all did that? It’s amazing what a huge difference small changes can make. Just think back to those marginal gains leading to Tour de France wins for the Sky Cycling Team. And let’s not forget Dr Michael Moseley’s attempts to persuade us, as a nation, to do “just one thing” to improve our health.

Who would’ve thought an introduction to weaving would prompt a shift in my perspective? But it did and this poem is the result. Perhaps it was the need to concentrate on doing something physical with my hands. Or maybe it was simply the fact that I was doing something different: I wasn’t looking at my phone; listening to the news; or busy trying to do several things at once. We have a tendency to think that we need to take drastic measures to effect change in our lives. I was speaking to a friend recently who told me that she wants to change her lifestyle. Each morning she feels enthused, only to lose momentum later in the day. I suggested that she make small steps first and follow the rule of three. I love this rule! You focus on just three things over a three month period, rather than try to tackle everything in one go. It feels more manageable somehow.

Trying something new is a great way to re-boot. Sometimes that can be purposeful; other times it is gifted to you by circumstances beyond your control. Like the ferry crossing I mentioned earlier. No matter how much I might’ve wanted to arrive quicker, I simply had to adapt to a slower pace of life for the duration of the crossing. Maybe today is your day to try something new? Perhaps you’ll discover new depths you didn’t know you had! I feel sure that, like the ocean, we all have hidden treasures yet to be discovered.

weaving Download
08/10/2025
How fictional characters can feel just as relevant as real people …
```
"... what if we tried 
to let go
and let be
focus our energies 
on finding 
our true selves
we each could live
long and well
in our chosen skins ..."
```
As a child, I was an avid reader and found my first heroes in the pages of books. Classics such as Heidi, Little Women and Black Beauty fired my imagination, but my favourite was Laura Ingalls Wilder and I read all the books as well as watched the series, Little House on the Prairie. I loved her fiery spirit and could very much relate to the curse of living under the shadow of the all-so-perfect older sister.

I think we all look to others for inspiration; they help us navigate through life, trying to understand who we are as people and where we fit. One of the first truly inspirational person I met in the flesh, was the wife of a family friend. Unlike other grown ups I’d encountered, she wore faded jeans and wandered around in bare feet. She was a terrible cook, and was often seen with an open paperback in her left hand as she stirred the pot with her right. I never saw her with make-up and the closest she got to grooming was to put her hair in a ponytail. She was a free spirit and I loved her for it.

It took me a long time to find my true self. To some this seems to come easy, but I’m sure it isn’t. As a child, I used to think everyone else’s family was normal and mine wasn’t. My parents divorced when I was in secondary school, which was unusual in the 1970’s. Now, of course, I know that normal simply doesn’t exist. I wish I’d learnt that sooner: it would’ve saved me a whole lot of angst!

When you don’t know who you truly are, it’s tempting to try to be something you are not. I’ve done that countless times through the decades. It never does work, at least not in my experience. No end of people trying to dissuade you seems to work either; you have to discover it for yourself. That said, I’ve lost count of how many incredible people I’ve met in life who have inspired me, either through something they have done or said, or simply in the way they choose to live. There were a handful of brilliant teachers, parents of friends, managers at work, and some public figures who particularly impressed me. I’ve been inspired by poets, songwriters, authors and their fictional characters. My life has been made all the richer due to people, real and fictional, that have helped shaped my character and I’m extremely grateful.

This is a very recent poem, written in the Faroe Islands, where I was lucky enough to visit the statute of the mythical seal woman of Mikladalur. This myth is not unique to these parts and, indeed, I read about such myths, and many more, in Sharon Blackie’s fascinating book, “If Women Rose Rooted”. It got me thinking about the seal woman and her mythical life. She was forced to live as a human for many years, wife to the man who stole her skin. What must that have been like, I thought, but then I realised that, sadly, it was perhaps not that unusual a story.

So many of us end up living a life not of our choosing and we may spend our lives searching for what we should be. The journey is all part of life isn’t it, and I think it matters as much as the destination, if not more so. It can feel frustrating at times and most paths are not linear. We go back and forth, learning and unlearning, most of our lives. That’s all part of the story and is made the richer for it. Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you find the path to your true self.

seal woman Download
10/09/2025
Lessons from the sea …
```
"... there’s a rhythm 
to all this
life’s moods
as cyclical as the moon
I’m minded that
when life feels tough
this too will pass ..."
```
In my experience, you can’t beat a trip to the sea to recover your sense of perspective. There’s something about the constancy of lapping waves that reminds me that, despite all the things I may worry about, nature carries on doing its thing.

I regularly fall into the trap of thinking I have some control over my life. Yes, yes, there are some things I can control to some degree. I do my best to eat healthy, stay fit, live within my means etc. But you only have to look back to the Covid years to remember that none of us can ever predict what might be round the next corner. There’s a balance to be found somewhere between taking responsibility for aspects of your life and accepting that, actually, most of it is beyond your control. I’ve never managed to find that balance and have to admit to being a bit of a control freak.

It often seems to happen that when I think I’m in control, life has a way of reminding me that I’m not. Sometimes this is a welcome lesson, other times less so; usually it’s a bit of both.

My busy working life felt more manageable when I made to-do-lists. I managed my work calendar with dedicated blocks of time for various tasks, and home life followed suite. It was exhausting and often quite stressful. But I didn’t dare let go of the little control I thought I had, because I feared it would all come crashing down around me. The only time I truly allowed myself time to relax was on holiday.

This poem was written in the Orkneys when, at last, I slowed my pace to match that of island life. I watched the breaking waves, spellbound by the rhythms and the sounds of the sea. My inner spirit soaring with the many seabirds, my skin free of make up, my hair knotted and wild. I found out on that holiday that I hadn’t even made it through the paper sift for a promotion (yes, ashamedly, I checked my inbox). It was a disappointment, but also a relief, which was a lesson in itself.

I had the sea to remind me that life goes on, promotion or no promotion. I can choose to accept it or not. I choose to fully embrace life as best I can. Some days that’s easy, some days not so easy. But it’s always worth the effort.

seascape Download
06/08/2025