Tag: choices

  • How fictional characters can feel just as relevant as real people …

    "... what if we tried 
    to let go
    and let be
    focus our energies 
    on finding 
    our true selves
    we each could live
    long and well
    in our chosen skins ..."

    As a child, I was an avid reader and found my first heroes in the pages of books.  Classics such as Heidi, Little Women and Black Beauty fired my imagination, but my favourite was Laura Ingalls Wilder and I read all the books as well as watched the series, Little House on the Prairie. I loved her fiery spirit and could very much relate to the curse of living under the shadow of the all-so-perfect older sister.  

    I think we all look to others for inspiration; they help us navigate through life, trying to understand who we are as people and where we fit.  One of the first truly inspirational person I met in the flesh, was the wife of a family friend.  Unlike other grown ups I’d encountered, she wore faded jeans and wandered around in bare feet.  She was a terrible cook, and was often seen with an open paperback in her left hand as she stirred the pot with her right.  I never saw her with make-up and the closest she got to grooming was to put her hair in a ponytail.  She was a free spirit and I loved her for it. 

    It took me a long time to find my true self.  To some this seems to come easy, but I’m sure it isn’t.  As a child, I used to think everyone else’s family was normal and mine wasn’t.  My parents divorced when I was in secondary school, which was unusual in the 1970’s.  Now, of course, I know that normal simply doesn’t exist. I wish I’d learnt that sooner: it would’ve saved me a whole lot of angst!

    When you don’t know who you truly are, it’s tempting to try to be something you are not.  I’ve done that countless times through the decades.  It never does work, at least not in my experience.  No end of people trying to dissuade you seems to work either; you have to discover it for yourself.  That said, I’ve lost count of how many incredible people I’ve met in life who have inspired me, either through something they have done or said, or simply in the way they choose to live.  There were a handful of brilliant teachers, parents of friends, managers at work, and some public figures who particularly impressed me.  I’ve been inspired by poets, songwriters, authors and their fictional characters.  My life has been made all the richer due to people, real and fictional, that have helped shaped my character and I’m extremely grateful.

    Image of the Seal Woman of Mikladalur

    This is a very recent poem, written in the Faroe Islands, where I was lucky enough to visit the statute of the mythical seal woman of Mikladalur.  This myth is not unique to these parts and, indeed, I read about such myths, and many more, in Sharon Blackie’s fascinating book, “If Women Rose Rooted”.  It got me thinking about the seal woman and her mythical life.  She was forced to live as a human for many years, wife to the man who stole her skin. What must that have been like, I thought, but then I realised that, sadly, it was perhaps not that unusual a story.  

    So many of us end up living a life not of our choosing and we may spend our lives searching for what we should be.  The journey is all part of life isn’t it, and I think it matters as much as the destination, if not more so.  It can feel frustrating at times and most paths are not linear.  We go back and forth, learning and unlearning, most of our lives.  That’s all part of the story and is made the richer for it.  Wherever you are on your journey, I hope you find the path to your true self.

    seal womanDownload

  • Lessons from the sea …

    "... there’s a rhythm 
    to all this
    life’s moods
    as cyclical as the moon
    I’m minded that
    when life feels tough
    this too will pass ..."

    In my experience, you can’t beat a trip to the sea to recover your sense of perspective.  There’s something about the constancy of lapping waves that reminds me that, despite all the things I may worry about, nature carries on doing its thing.  

    I regularly fall into the trap of thinking I have some control over my life.  Yes, yes, there are some things I can control to some degree.  I do my best to eat healthy, stay fit, live within my means etc.  But you only have to look back to the Covid years to remember that none of us can ever predict what might be round the next corner.  There’s a balance to be found somewhere between taking responsibility for aspects of your life and accepting that, actually, most of it is beyond your control.  I’ve never managed to find that balance and have to admit to being a bit of a control freak.

    It often seems to happen that when I think I’m in control, life has a way of reminding me that I’m not.  Sometimes this is a welcome lesson, other times less so; usually it’s a bit of both.  

    My busy working life felt more manageable when I made to-do-lists.  I managed my work calendar with dedicated blocks of time for various tasks, and home life followed suite.  It was exhausting and often quite stressful.  But I didn’t dare let go of the little control I thought I had, because I feared it would all come crashing down around me.  The only time I truly allowed myself time to relax was on holiday.  

    This poem was written in the Orkneys when, at last, I slowed my pace to match that of island life.  I watched the breaking waves, spellbound by the rhythms and the sounds of the sea. My inner spirit soaring with the many seabirds, my skin free of make up, my hair knotted and wild.  I found out on that holiday that I hadn’t even made it through the paper sift for a promotion (yes, ashamedly, I checked my inbox).  It was a disappointment, but also a relief, which was a lesson in itself.  

    Coastline cliffs with crashing waves below.

    I had the sea to remind me that life goes on, promotion or no promotion.  I can choose to accept it or not.  I choose to fully embrace life as best I can. Some days that’s easy, some days not so easy.  But it’s always worth the effort. 

    seascapeDownload

  • Be ready for life’s opportunities!

    "... here I am
    listening at last
    on the brink 
    of something big
    ready to embrace 
    the future self 
    that I dreamed I’d be ..."

    I wrote this poem in springtime; a season where many of us might feel drawn to reviewing life choices, inspired by nature to wake up and take note.  In busy lives, it’s all too easy to be sucked into what can feel like an endless cycle of work, eat, sleep, with perhaps a little time for yourself if you’re lucky.  That’s why pressing the pause button, no matter how short-lived, is important.  If we didn’t stop once in a while to admire a view, watch children play, listen to a favourite song – whatever it is that works for you – our days would simply be all about doing and never about just being.  

    I’ve lost count of how many times I might have missed something profound, amazing or simply beautiful, if I hadn’t take the time to notice.  It might be fleeting, such as witnessing an act of kindness in the street, or a stunning sunset you would’ve missed if you hadn’t looked up at just that moment.  This happens a lot to me whilst out in my camper van and a reason why I’m always reluctant to draw the blinds.  Check out the photograph below to see the sunrise we almost missed in the highlands of Scotland earlier this year. 

    There are lots of things that offer up opportunities to review our lives if we are alive to the possibilities.  I know I’m not always receptive because I’m too busy thinking about the next thing on my to-do-list.  Half the time, I am on auto-pilot, doing stuff without really thinking.  I’m not present in the moment and I need a nudge to bring me back to now.  

    We don’t always have a choice about what brings us back to the present do we?  Lives can be turned upside down in an instant due to serious illness, redundancy or a marriage breakup.  Other times we do choose and we can prepare … such as a house move, a new job or retirement.  

    But all these things are big things and it isn’t necessarily the big things that bring the deepest insights.  I find it’s the small often ignored things that suddenly come into focus and help me shift my perspective. 

    It was an online session with a group of women that prompted this poem.  In my final months before retirement, it was an opportunity to think about how I could choose to be, free from work commitments that took so much of my time and energy.  I knew all too well that I’d missed out on so many opportunities over the years, choosing instead to preserve my energy for work. It was a strategy that helped, but came at a personal cost.    

    Of course, now I’m retired there are lots of other things filling my days and I’m fast becoming one of those people who declares, “I don’t know how I ever found the time to work!”.  But what I am purposefully doing is making time in my days to pause, no matter how briefly.

    This blog is an invitation to you to take time out to read a poem; let it take you to places, both within yourself, and beyond to the wider world.  That’s all – just try it! Welcome to to the present moment.  What invitations call to you? 

    invitationDownload