Why it’s okay to change course …

"... to those anchored
to their feelings 
hard stuck in their perception 
of the world I say 

you are not the map 
but the compass
it is never too late 
to find true north ..."

If you had to use one word to describe yourself, what would it be?  I’ve been asked this many times, mostly at work.  It’s one of those ice breaker exercises, the predictable opening to a training course,  to which most of us inwardly groan. My word has changed over the years; can change in the course of a day depending on my mood.  When others have to chose a word for me, they may use “driven”.  

I’m not good at relaxing.  Not good at sitting still.  Be that at home or in the office.  I am a list person and I like to tick things off.  I’ve been known to add a thing to the list that I’ve already done, just so I can experience the pleasure of ticking it off.  I like to have a plan and feel as though I have, at least, some element of control.  

If only it were that simple!  No one lives their life in a vacuum.  We enter into relationships, start jobs, move house, have children maybe, change direction.  Life is not linear is it?  At least not in my experience.  Most of us don’t start out on our journey and go in a straight line.  For many of us there will be changes of career, relocation, relationship break ups.  Suddenly the plan you started with doesn’t make sense, it’s no longer fit for purpose. This poem was born out of a failing relationship that I had to let go.  I held on because of a shared past, thinking it might be enough to keep us going, but of course, it wasn’t.  

In the UK, we have a strange attitude to failure.  It has negative connotations.  It’s not good to own up to having failed.  But failure is the first step to recovery, to rebuilding, starting afresh.  Call it a process of elimination – if one option doesn’t work it, you have a green light to try the next thing. 

Sometimes we become so fixed on the path we’ve chosen, that we forget there are other paths available.  We can get into the habit of looking at life a certain way and, in the process, become blind to the million other possibilities, be that in relation to work, relationships and/or lifestyle. 

Driven describes that part of me that tries to stick to the plan.  My plan.  I’ve worked hard at everything in life: my relationships, my job, my hobbies.  Having a plan keeps me focused.  Perhaps too focused.  There have been times when I’ve clung to my map, forgetting that I have a choice.  I can let it go and begin again.  I have the means; I have a compass with which to steer a new course.  If I could chose a new word to describe myself it would be flexible and I’m working on it. 

How about you?