Tag: Vulnerability

How to survive Christmas …
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"... I can’t be the only one
planning an escape 
on a boat built for one 
simple but spacious 
room enough 
to stretch out 
on long lazy days 
held in the embrace 
of a forgiving sea ..."
```
There’s part of me wondering if I’m swimming against the tide this week but instinct suggests otherwise. I feel sure I won’t be the only one wondering how on earth it came to be Christmas week already. I can hear half the country protesting that they’re not ready, even whilst some will be feeling quietly smug, their preparations all in hand. But it is never that simple is it, and there will be a fair few, hiding on the periphery, who don’t feel invested at all, for all manner of reasons.

Christmas is complicated! Many may well feel frustrated that it’s a challenge to find the Christmas story in the midst of the hyper-consumerism that has completely taken over this festive holiday. In addition to the buying of far too many gifts, there’s the food and drink that adds additional pressure as well as extra pounds. And when did the Christmas trim-up become a competitive sport?

All that said, it can be infectious. I was in York on Sunday for a Winter Solstice concert and went into town early to soak up some of the Christmas atmosphere. Despite the dampening weather, the lights looked magical and the crowds were jovial. It was easy to be swept along, tempted by a mince pie and a yearning for snow.

What is it about Christmas that makes so many of us nostalgic for a Christmas past? Perhaps some of us are impossibly optimistic for the Christmas present? Whatever it is, I suspect our feelings will be fuelled by love: the reality of it, the loss of it, the yearning for it.

Whatever your plans for Christmas, I think it’s safe to say that you’ll have to be flexible. No matter how well organised, you’ll forget something. No matter how meticulously orchestrated, something or someone will put a spanner in the works. Isn’t it always the way? And if you are not organised, don’t panic, it’s unlikely to end in disaster. Something or someone will probably turn up to fill the gap that you didn’t manage to fill yourself.

Not everyone will be with people they love. Not everyone will spend the day as they chose. Some people will chose to be alone, whilst others will be lonely. Some will relish the opportunity to “do” Christmas, whilst others will feel exhausted by the whole thing. The reality is that most of us will feel all of these things at various stages in the proceedings. Like a good old Christmas buffet, we’ll tuck into portions of happiness, joy, frustration, anger and jealousy. We’re human after all.

This week’s poem is not about Christmas per se, but about that feeling many of us may experience when it all gets too much. At this time of year, I’m sure many of you can relate. I’ve been listening recently to a new podcast by the wonderful Katherine May (author of the brilliant book, Wintering), called The Clearing. Each week she interviews her guest about their imagined place of retreat, and it got me thinking about how I choose to withdraw from the world. This is not a negative act at all but one of self-preservation. I need to retreat into silence sometimes in order to reconnect with my inner voice, the one that always seems to know the way. Only then can I go back into the world, with renewed purpose and energy. I feel sure I’ll need to do that throughout the festive period, which is perfectly normal. Well, it’s normal for me at any rate and, like the poem says, I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

My hope for you this Christmas week is that you enjoy it, however you spend it, and that you remember to look after your own needs as well as everyone else’s. If you do, I can guarantee a much happier Christmas!

retreat Download
24/12/2025
How anxiety can be both a blessing and a curse …
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"... be kind to yourself and others 
listen to your voice
and know that
others' expectations of you
will never surpass your own 
no one else can fill 
the space you fill
anxiety has been 
and remains part of you
but so too joy ..."
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This is not an easy poem to share or reflect on, but came at a time when I was feeling particularly anxious. These times fluctuate and, like most people, I can go for days, weeks, months, when everything appears to be going well, and I feel confident and capable. Most people I worked with would be surprised to hear me say that I often felt anxious about work: mostly about my workload and my ability to juggle it. But I also had doubts about my ability to meet expectations, to be good enough, and to make a positive difference.

People talk about imposter syndrome, which in the old days, was akin to having an inferiority complex. It doesn’t matter what you call it, I think a lot of people feel it at some time or another, and it often follows them, like a shadow, most of their lives. I know I’ve suffered from it most of my life, but that’s only one source of anxiety and there are many others.

I don’t come across as an anxious person. Most people would say that I present as confident, authoritative even. I’m one of those people that looks, on the surface, to be calm like a swan, but below the surface, I’m pedalling like crazy (which swans also do, I believe!). I’ll overthink things and take it all terribly seriously. I need to lighten up and I do try, honestly I do. I know full well that almost all the stuff I worry about never happens, and if the worse does happen, it invariably works out; all that worry was wasted effort.

People joke about therapy and how the counsellor will inevitably take you back to your childhood. It all stems from there right? I didn’t have a miserable childhood by any stretch of the imagination but it wasn’t idyllic either. Was anyone’s? My parents divorced in the 1970’s, which was unusual then. I spent years insisting that it didn’t affect me but, of course, it did.

So much of our personality is set in those early years, and they can significantly shape how life turns out. But it isn’t the whole story. I’m a massive believer in the fact that each of us can shape and shift our lives to fit better with who and what we want to be. I genuinely believe that. It takes work, but it’s a worthwhile investment because who wants to spend their lives blaming their childhood for everything that goes wrong? Not me, that’s for sure.

I haven’t eliminated anxiety from my life, far from it. I tell people that if I didn’t have something to worry about, then I’d invent something. I’m part joking, but there is an element of hard truth in every joke isn’t there? I have a tendency to worry about things I can’t control and/or predict, especially at night. Being conscious of it is half the battle; acknowledging that, yes, childhood hang ups do loiter, but I have effective strategies to combat them.

All our lives are a balancing act, don’t you think? Feeling anxious can sometimes be debilitating, but in other ways it makes me appreciate the joy I experience in my life. Learning to recognise and overcome anxieties can also be incredibly rewarding and I can look back on many a triumph with quiet pride. Balance is all important and, if you experience anxiety, then I sincerely hope you also know joy in your life.

notes to my younger self Download
03/12/2025
Vulnerability is a strength not a weakness …
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"... weakness
is our backlight
revealing the cracks
by which we navigate

I don’t want
to live a lie
my fault lines
are battle scars
I am proud to show ..."
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I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s noticed the massive culture shift in recent decades towards mental health. It’s no longer a taboo subject. In fact, I know a lot of people will say, “it’s all gone too far”, but I disagree.

It’s widely accepted these days that mental health is just as important as physical health. But it wasn’t always that way. I remember how my grandmother’s generation would talk in hushed tones about other women (always women!) who had “trouble with their nerves”. I had no idea what they meant but I just knew, from their whispering, that it was something to hide, and about which never to speak.

I think, as a society, we regarded people with mental health issues as a tribe apart from the rest of us, which is ridiculous. We all have mental health which can fluctuate constantly; all the more reason I think to be aware of it and to tend to it in ourselves and others.

Whilst it has certainly been easier for my generation, some prejudice remains deep rooted. I’ve been told countless times by work colleagues, managers, friends and family members, not to show weakness because others will exploit it. I know they meant well and were undoubtedly looking out for me, but it never felt right.

It’s taken me years to accept myself for who I am, worts and all. I reached a point in life, probably around my 50’s, when something shifted in me. I cared less about what other people thought and more about how I saw myself. Instead of saying and doing what I thought others expected of me, I started to challenge the norm. A lot of the time, I realised that my assumptions were unfounded. People didn’t necessarily have those expectations at all. Now, that was a revelation!

I gained more confidence to just be myself; choosing to embrace my authenticity as a superpower. As I result, I genuinely believe I’ve gained wide respect, but not from everyone. People have told me not to be so honest; called me out for oversharing on social media; sought to rein me in. They said it was from a place of love, but I felt suffocated rather than protected. Perhaps their intention and my response were both valid.

In the last decade, vulnerability has become quite the in-thing. Brené Brown and her now growing catalogue of books has taken the world by storm. Amen to that! But she wasn’t the first by a long stretch. I have long been a fan of Leonard Cohen and it was he, that largely misunderstood genius of a poet, who wrote in his song Ring Those Bells, “there are cracks in everything, that’s how the light gets in”. I love that idea and will take it further … it’s two way. The light shines in and emanates back out to the world. The more we let in, the greater we shine.

Backlight Download
27/08/2025